“Such As Normal People Do”

I can’t do the things that other people do

The things that others seem to take for granted

The things that come as second nature

The things that normal people do

To sit with a group of strangers seems so strange to me

To sit still at all seems stranger still

To hold a child, or even be in the presence of one

To talk to one

To make eye-contact

It all seems so foreign to me

But others seem to do it naturally

It requires not a thought for some

No effort at all

While, for me, it is a constant struggle

On the outside, people see me as large as life

People see what they want to see

They see everything that I wish I could be

They do the things that I wish I could do

But on the inside, I am as small as a mite

Scraping and gnawing to claw my out

To free myself from this hardened shell

To relieve myself of this inner-hell

The walls of my head are a prison to me

Even those who know me don’t know how thick these walls can be

How solid

How impenetrable

And there are those who tried to claw their way in

To understand what I keep hidden within

While I myself long to get out

To experience life the way others do

To see the world in a different hue

To see everything the way normal people do

I envy those who can be with their families

Those who can watch a ballgame with ease

Those who can attend barbecues, school plays and birthday parties

Those who can be in awkward situations without feeling awkward

Those who know how to suppress those feelings

Those who know how to keep them at bay

I’d like to be a part of that world

I want to know what ‘fun’ feels like

I’d like to feel warmth on my skin and not have the urge to wash it off

I’d like to know how it feels to be you

And how you can think you understand how it feels to be me

Or how you can think that you know me at all

When you only saw a portion of me

To know what it’s like is to suffer internally

To sacrifice yourself wholly and willingly

To offer yourself as I offered to you

To open yourself like I opened for you

To love me the way that I loved you

Or to love at all, the way normal people do

— David Allen

4 thoughts on ““Such As Normal People Do”

    1. volkuros Post author

      Sometimes, our reality is based on nothing more than other’s perception of what we should be and who we should be. If what it means to fit into society requires me to be the outcast, that’s fine with me. We still get to be leaders, not followers. The herd aren’t always moving in the right direction.
      Thanks for the comment!

      Like

      Reply

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